EPSTEIN'S BFF

Parody Lyrics — “Mr. Epstein’s BFF”

(To the tune of “Mr. Hankey, the Christmas Poo”)

[Intro – spoken]

“Howdy-ho, high rollers! Guess who’s slidin’ down the boarding ramp?”

[Verse 1]

Howdy-hey, kids, look who flew in,

Sneakin’ past the cameras with an oily grin.

Passport pages glitterin’ like tinsel in the sleigh,

Mr. Epstein’s BFF has come to play.

[Chorus]

He’s Mr. Epstein’s B-B-F-F,

Ridin’ private jets to dodge the mess.

When the spotlight glares, he’ll laugh and scoot—

A stocking full of hush-fund loot!

[Verse 2]

He schmoozes on yachts trimmed in champagne foam,

Promisin’ the powerful a judgment-free zone.

With a wink he says, “No worries, friend,

My memory’s short—my wallet extends.”

[Chorus – repeat]

Mr. Epstein’s B-B-F-F,

Dodgin’ subpoenas with practiced finesse.

He’ll jingle those coins so the choir won’t sing—

Silence is golden, and bribery bling.

[Bridge (half-time swing)]

Oh, the island breezes whisper tales that curdle eggnog sweet,

But questions melt like snowflakes when you’re dining in elite.

[Verse 3]

So deck the halls with nondisclosure,

Wrap the truth in crimson bows.

If the conscience knocks, just turn up the chorus—

Money talks and memory goes!

[Final Chorus]

Yes, Mr. Epstein’s B-B-F-F,

May your gilded nights grow lonely yet—

‘Cause every sleigh of secrets leaves an evidence trail,

And justice loves a paper-trail tale!

[Outro – spoken, echo fade]

“Howdy-ho—see you in court, y’all!”

***

They promised sunlight, then slammed the blinds. In 2024–25, Donald Trump stoked his base by vowing to release the Epstein files—a pledge that turbo-charged conspiratorial hopes and posed as transparency. Now, with power in hand, the administration hedges and stalls, and the right’s echo chamber fills with shiny objects meant to pull our gaze away. That is how distraction becomes a staircase to authoritarianism.

THE BROKEN PROMISE—AND WHY IT MATTERS

Trump’s campaign-trail promise to release Epstein-related documents built an expectation of a grand unmasking. Coverage this summer captured the backlash among his own supporters as the White House resisted calls to follow through. When even friendly outlets and movement figures say a pledge was broken, you’re seeing a legitimacy crisis inside the coalition, not an attack from outside.

WHAT’S ACTUALLY ON THE TABLE

This isn’t vague internet rumor. In Congress, H.Res. 577 demands “the immediate release of all Federal documents relating to Jeffrey Epstein,” and a companion Senate bill (S.2557) would direct the Attorney General to make them public. Meanwhile, a House subcommittee voted 8–2 to subpoena the Justice Department for the files. These are formal, on-the-record actions—precisely the mechanisms a democracy uses to expose hidden facts. 

THE TELL: RECESS TO DODGE THE VOTE

When the moment came for accountability, House leadership chose flight over fight. Speaker Mike Johnson sent the House into early summer recess, avoiding a vote on H.Res. 577 and sparking days of coverage that made the dodge impossible to miss. That’s not governance; that’s procedural escape.

A MOVEMENT SPLIT, PLAIN TO SEE

The Republican Party is feuding with itself over this. National reporting describes a splinter between Trump and his right-wing allies specifically about releasing the files; broadcast segments and conservative groups have amplified the demand. The Republican Accountability Project even launched a six-figure ad campaign urging Trump to keep his word. When a base begins to suspect its champion of hiding the ball, the mask slips.

WHY THE DISTRACTIONS FEEL ENDLESS

Authoritarians don’t always censor; they flood—with outrage cycles, culture-war spats, invented emergencies—until the public is too exhausted to track the one story that matters. Here, that story is simple: who had access, who enabled harm, and which public officials are blocking sunlight. (For clarity: references to Trump appear in Epstein-related records and reporting alongside many other famous names; the point is transparency, not trial by innuendo.)

THE PRESSURE POINT

“Epstein is the pressure-point that can defeat Trump’s kung-fu.” Why? Because the promise was his, and the paper trail is the government’s. If the files are released, the movement loses a central mythmaking tool. If they aren’t, the movement hemorrhages credibility with voters who took “I alone can fix it” at face value. That’s why you’re seeing the procedural dodges and the circus of side-shows. 

A MORAL QUESTION FOR OUR TIME

Do they love the racism/white supremacy of MAGA more than they love their own daughters? We pose the question not to wound, but to weigh priorities. A politics that excuses cruelty, elevates racial hierarchy, and hides evidence is a politics that endangers our children—girls most of all. The test of love is protection, not partisan allegiance.

CALL TO ACTION

This is a 501(C)(4) space; we’re here to push. Tell Congress to bring H.Res. 577 to the floor and pass S.2557 in the Senate. Demand that House leadership reconvene to vote rather than hide. Support reporters and watchdogs chasing this paper trail. And when the next outrage cycle tries to yank your attention away, hold fast: Keep your eyes on the files. Democracy is a light switch, not a mood ring—either we flip it on, or we let power operate in the dark.

Keep pushing our leaders to release the Epstein files. No more detours. No more distractions.

Make America Ungovernable—Make Autocracy Untenable.